My husband, Derek, and I aren’t newlyweds by any means but we also aren’t right there with the 25 to lifers… yet! We will get there! 😉 We are 8 years in and I 100% believe there is value, wisdom and knowledge gained every minute of a marriage no matter how long you’ve been married.
I also know this.
Money management is hard.
Marriage is hard.
Heck, most times I can’t even spell marriage without auto correct. I’m definitely no editor. (Insert face palm here!)
Money AND marriage intertwined… is HARD.
The all caps kind of hard. I mean, my spouse and I are completely different people who grew up learning to manage money (or the lack there of) in different ways.
We grew up with different home experiences and life lessons.
One of us is pretty easy-going when it comes to budgeting and finances while the other of us wants to spend spend spend the second we get money in our pocket.
Burning a hole in our pocket some say!
Now, I’m not going to throw anyone under the bus by telling you who is the saver and who is the spender. (Me. It’s me. I’m the frugal one!😂 I just want to hoard my pennies!!)
Alot of the time … the “norm” for money and marriage combined feels like throwing a dog and a cat into a trashcan together and expecting them to get along.
Nope. It takes time for them to decide who’s gonna get bit first and then who’s going to leave.
Not how marriage was designed, friend!
I’ll tell ya a secret about our time together.. The first couple years felt like hell on earth. Most of the time when we were ready to call it quits, it was all about money.
Not having enough money.
Him spending too much money.
Me being a penny pincher.
Me not being fun anymore because save save save.
We had the same fight several times that always ended in the same decision.
“ You keep your money and I’ll keep mine.” Except… that didn’t work. And rightly so, because I don’t think that God intended that kind of awful separation in a
unity of two becoming one. Surely something so sacred to God shouldn’t be this HARD!!
I’ve learned over the years of our marriage though, and even more so recently, that anything worth fighting for is hard! And, marriage isn’t meant to make us happy.
Sure, a great marriage has a lot of happy times and that’s important to have fun with your spouse but marriage is meant to make us holy… not necessarily happy all the time.
So, how are my husband and I still married after all the knockdown drag out fights?
It took me surrendering my control over my husband‘s financial choices and just giving that to God. I learned that I cannot change my husband in the way he spends money. God has to do that! He’s my husband, not my child and deserves my respect. The only thing that was going to come from doing it my way was a divorce and very broken family.
Learning to give my husband a whole heaping pile of grace day after day after day amongst the frustration when I felt like he was spending too much.
Maybe he was spending too much…. maybe it was just me not leaving enough wiggle room in the budget… maybe it was my control issue.. All that mattered was I needed to learn to give grace.
Getting to the point to where my husband and I could talk about finances even a tiny bit without an argument blowing up. That my friend, took so so much prayer and is still a work in progress. And even as I write this NOW, this isn’t something that happens every time. Money still stresses Derek out but with prayer, grace and loads of patience.. we talk about it. And he gets better every time!!
Even if this just means me doing the deeper parts of the budget and him looking it over to see if he wants to change something.
(Me letting go of control.)
I’ll also tell you this, Satan is relentless.
And so, sometimes that battle within your finances + your marriage seems endless.
But — GOD. Hallelujah that He is so gracious and present in the in-between.
My husband, myself and our sweet family of 5 kiddos is WORTH more than money.
Finances won’t ever be perfect but it’s a journey toward progress being done in love and grace.
I hope if you’re struggling with money in your marriage that you’ll find this encouraging. Pray pray pray!
Also, I’m on IG if you need a friend!
Thanks for being here, friend!!
Hey friends!! I’m Brittany! Lover of Jesus, coffee and wine. (Here to be honest!)
I’m a wife to an incredibly selfless human and a mama to 5 kids. We are one big blended family full of imperfections and love. We live on a rather busy 20 acre homesteading farm with lots of animals. I also dabble in the world of self-care and pretty at home manicures. My heart and passion is to come alongside women.. mamas.. in the every day mundane and encourage them to live intentionally and freely in faith, finances, home and wellness!